The Deep End
by MelloLawliet
Summary: Matt was never an excellent swimmer. Mello hates churches and remembers the past. How could he had let this happen? Mello also hates speeches. MelloXMatt. Terrible at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been a while since I've uploaded a story. Some of you may have noticed that I removed my story DA It's Over. I decided not to finish it because of two reasons. 1. I'm a lazy betch. 2. I have no time. Over the summer I wrote 2 stories though. I'm uploading this one called The Deep End. It was the first of the two I wrote.**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING AND AM MAKING NO PROFIT. I only own this story :3**

When we were young, everything was just fine. We did everything together. We went to the movies, bowling, we painted, we learned how to ride bikes, we even experimented together... Though that was when we were a little older. When we were really small, about four or five, we always went swimming together. I saved him multiple times from drowning. Heh... He never listened to me when I said to him that the deep end was a lot harder to swim in once you looked down.

He should have listened.

He was the kind of kid that loved to play games. He always wanted to play a family. He was the father and he always forced me to be the mother. We never had a child though. Once, I caught hi researching something online. I went up to him and he was looking up things families do. We read this one part where it explained how to get a child. It said, "Child Time". So being the 'genius' he was, he looked it up. We read about it for a bit. When we were done, he asked, "Do you think we should do this next time we play?" I responded, "No. That doesn't sound like something we should do." At that, I didn't speak to him anymore about it and left the room.

We lived together for 13 years. I was four when I first moved into the orphanage. He moved in a year later when I was five. We were both obviously too young to know each other and to know what was going on, but we were always put into the same 'play groups'. I guess that's when we both started to hang out. Though at that age, it's not called 'hanging out', but calling it 'playing together' is just too odd for me at my age now.

I was ten when things really started to change. Since he was a year younger than me, he really didn't know what he was trying to get me to do.

It was about a week later, after he had looked up 'child time'. He asked me, "Hey... Mello, we should pretend!" He was excited and hyper like always. I looked at him and asked, "Alright, what do you want to pretend" He smirked and said, "A couple". I waited a few seconds to register what he had just said, then answered him, "Matt... I don't think that we should. There's people around and it's kind of weird." "What do you mean it's weird" Matt asked me, sitting down at a table in the cafeteria. "Well don't couples usually kiss" I asked, standing in front of him on the other side of the table. "I'm not going to kiss you Matt. Especially in front of all these people." He looked down and nodded his head.

Later that night, when we were both in our bunks, Matt looked down from the top bunk and asked, "Were you sure about earlier, Mello?" "I'm sure Matt. I don't want to talk about it anymore" I responded back to him. I turned over in my bunk to face away from his silhouette hanging over the side of his bunk.

We never spoke about it again after that night.

The urge of crying pounds at my soul at the moment. I hate being kept here around my friends, family, old enemies and people I clearly don't know.

I've cried so much already about it. Parts of me want to kill myself. Other parts want to live on and complete the tasks that couldn't be done. I blame myself for this. If only I was there. If only I wasn't occupied in something else at that moment.

I honestly hate this music. I've never liked it really. When I was 13, I used to tell Matt how much I hated certain tunes. He used to tell me to shut up and be glad that we were even allowed music in the orphanage. When we listened to rap, he said that all of the people them were talking about their 'hoes'. I used to laugh at that and say, "I could rap about you and say a bunch of stuff." He usually flipped me off after wards.

When we listened to country, I used to think the people were singing about their brothers, sisters and or cousins. The reason why I thought that, was because I used to hear rumours that every body was related to one another. Matt said that he wouldn't be surprised. When we listened to blugrass, the opinion was even stronger.

Over the years, I've warmed up to the 'metal' age. Sure, I like it. It wouldn't be the first genre I'd play at a wedding or a funeral though. I used to go to the hardcore metal concerts back in my teen years. I remember this one time that we went to a concert. I forget who it was now, but I know they were good.

We were getting ready to go to the metal concert. We still lived in the orphanage at the time. I was at the mirror in the bathroom, putting on a crap load of eyeliner. Matt came into the bathroom sporting his signature striped shirt and his sectioned jeans.

I looked at him in the mirror and asked, simply annoyed, "**That's** what you're going in?" He responded, "Something wrong with it" I nodded and set down my eyeliner and demanded thhat he put on some tight black pants and a black wife-beater. I motioned at myself, showing him that it was a mirror image of me I wanted him to dress as. "Keep the shoes though," I winked at him. I pushed him to my dresser and took out one of my shirts for him. He looked at me in question then asked, "Are you sure that your shirts will fit me?" I shoved the shirt at him and he took it. "You may be larger than me, but tighter shirts are always sexier than loose ones", I said, turning around to walk back into the bathroom to finish applying my eyeliner. "Find a pair of loose pants. They're in there somewhere."

I went into the bathroom and finished doing my eyeliner. Matt walked into the bathroom wearing the clothes a few minutes later. "It's not my style, but... For tonight it'll have to do," He sighed, looking at his reflection in the mirror behind me. I smiled and play punched him on the shoulder and said, "It's party time".

The concert reeked of weed and alcohol. It wasn't the place to be the night before a huge test at school. At the time we didn't care. We apparently looked older than we were because we were offered variety's of drugs and alcohol. They just shoved them at us and hell... We wouldn't say no to free and illegal things being forced down our throats.

We moshed and grind-ed the night away until shit got crazy.

It was about halfway through the concert that things started to get heated. The drugs had kicked in and everybody was getting out of control. Fights broke out and it looked as if people were screwing themselves in the mosh-pit. Both of us must have made out with at least five girls and touched things we weren't supposed to then got slapped for it after wards.

We found each other in the madness and started 'dancing' together among the rest of the pandemonium in the room.

Things went farther and farther on into the night, under the city lights.

When we got back to the orphanage, it was obvious that we were both wasted and high as the sky. We made tons of noise when we stumbled through the hallways. People looked out of their rooms and yelled at us to be quiet. We just turned around and flipped them off and laughed our asses off.

Then we got back to our room. We fooled around, playing air-guitar and mimicking the things that the performers did. It had to be an hour later that we finally settled down and fell to the floor with fatigue. We got up after a few more minutes and sat on my bunk, smoking the last of the drugs we snuck out of the concert. Matt looked at me and said, "Great night. We absolutely have to do it again."

We sat there for a while until the last of the drugs kicked in. We were screwed as hell and Matt told me, "No matter what we do tonight, we can't possibly get into any more trouble than what we'll be in tomorrow."

"No matter what we do?" I asked, looking at him hesitantly.

"No matter what we do," he smirked then leaned over me and kissed me, moving us down flat on the bed.

Then the night rolled on.

The next morning we woke up in each others arms. I opened my eyes to a bright piercing light and a massive headache. I felt a warm figure around me, so I looked up and believe it or not, it was Matt holding me in his arms tightly as if he was protecting me. He opened his eyes slowly and smiled, "Morning".

I don't know if I could listen to metal music again.

I hate churchy music.

I really hate funerals.

**I hope you all enjoyed chapter one of The Deep End. xD;; It's honestly been a while since I've typed up stories. My grammar is probably really off.**

**I've noticed with other stories that people are typing them as if they're from the Netherlands or something... Using words like "Bloody" and "Mate". Example: "Bloody hell mate!" lol.**

**Please review!**

**Positive or negative lol!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well now, it's been a while since I've updated… I wonder if anybody likes this story yet?**

Tears stream down my face as I listen to these stupid speeches people give. It's really pathetic how people try to talk about something they know nothing about. It's like writing a research report without researching your topic.

I told myself that I'd be strong today. I said I wouldn't cry. I was told not to and that it shouldn't be painful. It was a lie though obviously. It's very painful.

I don't want to be here. I don't want to sit here and listen to this crap. I don't want to listen to this music either. Naturally I would get up and walk out. But that would really be disrespectful. People are counting on me. I can't do that.

He's watching me anyway. He'd be really upset with me if I got up and walked out. I feel his gaze pound into my skull. I have to be strong until it's over.

When we were young, about 15 or 16, we used to see who had the most pain tolerance. We used to beat each other up and see who would give in first. Matt always did. He only lasted about ten or 15 minutes. I remember when I gave up first once. It wasn't a very fair game since he had kicked me in the damn balls. I fell to the ground and cursed him out like he had destroyed one of my chocolate bars by leaving it in one of my pockets and letting it go through the wash. He got down onto the ground beside me and held me against his chest, repeatedly saying how sorry he was. My pain was ignored as soon as his touch reached my skin.

I felt safe in his arms. He held me tight and rubbed my back. I don't know why I started having feelings for him at that age. You really don't have any feelings of love until you're around 18. Any feelings before that were usually lust or obsession.

I know once we got older, into our really late teens and early 20's, we were in love. It was an open relationship though. If we found somebody else, then that would be it. We never found anybody though.

There was this one time when I was working and I had feelings for one of my co-workers. Me and Matt got in many fights about it. He told me that if I really wanted to be with them, that I could. He made a big deal out of it. I told him that I didn't love them and that I wouldn't leave him. He got on rants about him being ugly and just girly stuff like that.

"I can prove it to you that I don't like her, Matt!" I yelled at him.

"Yeah? How? Quit your job?" He yelled back.

"Yes. I'll quit my job. Just for you," I calmed down a bit. "If that's what it takes to get you to believe me. Matt, I will quit my job."

He came up to me and hugged me tightly. I have never had such great hugs from anybody else but him. That guy has to be the best hugger I know.

The next day, I went into the Mafia and resigned. My position was passed on and my Matty finally believed me. I had to tell the girl that I was sorry and that nothing would work out between us. She gave me many options, but I declined all of her offers. I loved Matt, and that was final.

I should really start working again. I'm sure Matt wouldn't mind. I don't know where the girl is now, and I could care less.

Some people are completely disrespectful. The clothes people wear. They shouldn't even be allowed in here. I see people texting on their cell phones. I see people playing video games on a DS, or something like that. I never got into the console crap. I always sat beside Matt and watched him beat the crap out of the… Bosses? I think that's what he called them.

I really shouldn't have gotten mad at him and threw all his consoles out of the window. I was mad at him again for not paying attention to me when I was talking to him. It was the last straw when he told me to "hang on" that last time.

It was when we just moved out of the orphanage. I was 19; he was 18.

"Mello! I'm doing something! Calm down. It's not like it's the end of the world if I forget what you were saying to me," Matt said, his attention drawn towards the television set in front of him.

I walked over to him, ticked off as usual, then knocked the controller out of his hands. "I am sick of you telling me what you can multi task and that you can understand what I'm saying. I swear, only twenty percent of what I say to you, you actually hear. Ten percent of that, you just don't care," I raised my voice at him, standing in front of him with my arms crossed.

"What the hell, Mello!" He yelled back at me.

"You've been playing this same game for over three hours! The least you cold do is pause it when I'm trying to talk to you," I said, kicking the controller out of the way as Matt reached down to grab it.

"Fine, I'm sorry. What did you want to tell me?" He asked, sitting back in the couch.

"I don't want you playing videogames when I'm home anymore. I'm hardly ever here and I just want to see you," I said, reaching a hand up and running it through my hair.

"You see me while I'm playing my games," he said annoyed, trying to reach for his controller again.

I bent down, picked it up and threw it across the room. "Damnit Matt, you just don't get it!" I yelled at him. "I want to spend time with you. Not sit by you and watch you play games all day! I'm not your baby sitter!"

We called each other every name in the book for quite some time. Eventually, I got fed up with him and his crap, I picked up his game console and threw it out the open window.

He left after that.

When he came back , it was around three in the morning. He had went out and bought a new game system. He came into our room and laid down next to me, mumbling softly how sorry he was and that he wouldn't play his games when I was home anymore. I smiled to myself and I only said one thing, "Okay."

**I'm disappointed in myself because of how short my chapters are…**


	3. Chapter 3

It's times like this when you wish you had someone to hold. All I can do is cry now. I'm supposed to be strong, but this is getting too hard for me. It hurts too much. I can't stand the disrespect. I hate the music and the people. It's too colorless. The windows are really the only things here that are colorful.

I've been asked about six times now why I'm not even tearing up a little. It's hard for me to cry in front of others. I'm used to let downs, but I can't do it to myself. If I cry, it's going to be by myself.

I'm not used to this many people. I don't know probably a quarter of them. I thought this was private. I thought only a few people were to know about it.

Disrespect I tell you.

I'm in the front row too. As I look behind me, I see many tear stained faces. Some in handkerchiefs, some with their eyes closed looking up to the ceiling. Me, my arms folded and my legs crossed.

Physically untouched by sadness.

It's not that I'm upset. I'm angry at myself. I don't know how I could let this happen. How could I have left something so precious, unwatched?

I got the call three days ago… It was a swimming accident. He was never a good swimmer.

How could I let him die alone?

I should have been there with him. I told him he could go swimming if he promised me that he'd stay out of the deep end.

He promised.

I was in another town, about an hour away and I got the phone call. They asked me if I knew a Mail Jeevas. I said that I did. They asked me a few more questions then finally said for me to come down to the morgue to identify a body. I stayed silent for a few seconds. They asked if I was there and I screamed into the phone, "Are you sure it's a Mail Jeevas? Are you sure you're not mixing up names with somebody else?" They said that they were certain it was him and that they needed me to come down to make it official.

I drove back to town, avoiding police patrol areas. I was hoping that they were just mixing up names and that my Matty was safe at home playing his damned video games.

I got home and ran up to our apartment, seeing that the door was left untouched. I went inside and saw a note left on the counter. I didn't bother reading it at the time because I thought it was some kind of grocery list. I grabbed it and shoved it into my back pocket. Running around through the apartment, I was screaming for Matt. After a few seconds of searching, I brought up the courage to finally go to the morgue to see if it was really him.

Once I got there, I sat in the car for a little and held my breath. I got out and went inside reluctantly. They told me to follow this one man into the back which was where they kept all of the bodies.

He brought me into a room with drawers all lined up on the wall. Body drawers.

We walked to one of the drawers and he pulled it out. The body was covered up and all I could do was wait desperately to see. I held my breath as the man pulled back the white sheet. Once I saw that it was indeed, Matt, I wanted to try and somehow wake him up. I pleaded inside my head that it was some sort of joke he was playing on me. The blue in his face proved me wrong though. He was gone.

My Matty was dead.

**Well, the next chapter is the last one. My intention was to make people cry. But I know I failed xD So sorry about that.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Last chapter everybody. Awww. Sad face lol.**

Now as I stand up here, in front of all of you, I realize that what I have written isn't all that appropriate. I apologize.

I know that when this is over, you'll be saying how disrespectful that I am. I'm sorry if it seems that way, but I know that I respect him more than any of you ever have or will.

You know, I still haven't been able to read that note on the counter. I just happened to bring it with me. This might be the final breaking point for me. I might just end up crying right here after I read this thing. Anyway, here it goes.

_Dear Mello,_

_ I know I've been a royal S.O.B. to you. I'm really sorry. I want you to know that I loved you for many years and that I wished that we had more time to spend with each other. Basically, I'm at the end of my rope with life. It's not you, I swear. It's just life in general._

_ I know that I told you I wouldn't swim in the deep end of the lake, but how could I tell you to your face that I was going to kill myself? It's still pretty bad that I'm writing this out. I know you'll end up burning this letter once you're done reading it to anyone you can, so they get the true story._

_ Yes, I killed myself. Thank you, Mello for always being there for me. Thank you for loving me._

_ I have to go now. I will always love you, Mello. Nobody will ever replace you, where ever it is that I'm going._

_ Take care of yourself, for me._

_Mail Jeevas_

_P.S. _

_I hate funerals too._

_**ENDDDDD I hope everybody enjoyed it. It was a pain to write since I was literally bored out of my mind while writing this.**_

_**Sorry again for all of my chapters being so damn short.**_


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